Celebretards: Celebrities: They're Just Like Us (You): Pathetic

As you well know, we assholes hate celebrities.
We have our own page devoted to the douche bags. (A whole site would be a bit of overkill. Plus it would limit our bitching to just Hollywood types.)

I'm in front of my computer looking for inspiration for this week's post and I was coming up with nothing. Writer's block. Shit. (Of course, I use the term "writer" loosely.) At the very moment of me getting ready to hang it up I receive this great email showing how crappy celebrities get with age.

Tons of money and the best trainers, dietitians and plastic surgeons can only do so much. Not everyone can age that well in Hollywood. Exceptions: Tina Turner, Raquel Welch, Dick Clark (Before he had the stroke. We get more hate mail about that video than anything else.)

On with the malignity:

First off, the really easy one: Mickey Rourke. What the fuck happened to this guy? I was flippin' channels the other night and some movie was on with him in it. I had to look up the info on the movie to prove it was him. Holy shit, dude.

Next: Russel Crowe. Does he look that bad? Probably. But really, I have him on the list because he's a pompous asshole, and if there's one thing we hate here it's pompous assholes (that don't write for this site).

Alec Baldwin: If only this guy had the political views of his character on 30 Rock. But no. He has to be the busy-body limosine liberal big mouth douche that he is. Quit eating everything in the green room every time you host SNL.

Richard Gere: Has this guy made a movie that wasn't geared towards women? He's responsible for these pieces of tripe: Pretty Woman, Runaway Bride, Dr. T and the Women, Shall We Dance and Nights in Rodanthe. The only redeeming movie he's done was Primal Fear. All credit for that one goes to Edward Norton anyway.
Come on. Look at the picture. He probably looks so bad because of his anal blockage.
(Couldn't pass up a gerbil reference.)

Do ya think I'm sexy? Did anyone ever? I mean, come on, look at these pics of Rod Stewart. Even the early one with Brit Eckland. Even she looks disgusted. Maybe because of the muskrat trying to peek out of his bikini briefs. Or maybe she was thinking of the time he had to get his stomach pumped. This one was too easy.

Clint Eastwood: Ok. I'm not messing with this guy. He's Clint Fucking Eastwood. He's a bad mother-fucker. He's going to be 70 next year.
Dirty Harry. Philo Beddoe. The Man with No Name. He made us sit through Firefox just so we could see the 15 minutes of the plane at the end. His career survived being costar to a monkey. Twice. That's NEVER a good idea. Just ask Greg Evigan.
I'd be glad just to get to his age let alone be the bad-ass that he is.
He's the only guy who can pull off the lines "Go ahead, make my day." "Right turn, Clyde" and "Get off my lawn."
Anyway, here's the picture. I can't rip on him. Shit.